Sunday, February 14, 2010

Day 45

On Day 3 I mentioned needing to take my son to the dentist.  On day 42, we finally made it to see the dentist for the first time.Sure enough he has fractured one of his front teeth, which is why it has slowly turned grey over the last two months.  The dentist said that the reason his two front teeth stick out so much (which I had never noticed before) is due to his binky addiction.  So yesterday we rounded up all of the binkies in the house (about 7 of them), stuck them in an envelope and mailed them to the "binky fairy".  I was fearful that he would not be able to fall asleep without it, but it wasn't bad at all.  It reminds me of the time when I quit smoking. The first day was uncomfortable but not as bad as I thought it would be.  The second day is always much worse.

Knowing that today would be more difficult, the "binky fairy" wrote a really nice note saying how proud she was of my son and what a big boy he is now.  She was even so gracious as to leave a big, giant jeep that he can drive around the neighborhood.  We were up at 7am running beside him up and down the street.  By 8am we were back and that is when the crying, begging and pleading for the binky began.  This kid wants his binky back.  Specifically he wants his BLUE binky back.  So badly that he is willing to give up his brand new ride on toy and doesn't mind being a baby again.  I told him if he wants his binky back, then he needs to write a letter to the binky fairy and explain to her that he is not ready to be a big boy and that she can come pick up the big boy toy and take it to someone else.

Well, that made him stop to think. "Mom, if I write the letter and send it to her today...when will I get my binkies back?"  I told him he'd probably get them tomorrow.  Once he heard that, he changed his mind and decided to "think about it" for a little bit longer AND we went back outside to play with his new big boy jeep.  Yes! This was exactly the reaction I was hoping for.  By delaying the instant gratification that he gets from sucking on his binky, we were able to make him recommit to no binkies for another day.  I am hoping that within a week he forgets all about it.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

A New Beginning - Day 44

It has been what seems an eternity since the last time I posted.  This year has proven to be a whirlwind of emotions.  In the last nine years, I have advanced my career in ways that many people only dream of.  I know that sounds cocky and ridiculous, but I promised to be honest in my blogging and this is my truth.

What began as a rebound job after a 9-11 layoff has proven to be the first of many smart moves on my part. 
At that time I was a young, single mom just trying to find a break.  I took a chance with a small start-up company that seemed to give off a good vibe and gave me something that I hadn't had in a long time, hope. I began answering phones, quickly moved into technical support, operations and then sales.  I loved selling.  I loved the challenge and the monetary benefits that came along with being a great salesperson.  I would be lying if I said I didn't also enjoy the recognition that came with winning that ground breaking sale that brought your company to the next level.  I found energy in selling.  It was a thrill and one that I miss.  In four short years, I became the manager of a small sales team and before I knew it, my small start-up company was acquired by one of the largest corporations in the world.  Instantly I was honored to take a Director position in sales and before I knew it I had made a name for myself.  I worked hard.  Probably harder than I had ever worked before and I loved it.  I love saying that I work for this company.  I love the people I work with.  Our corporation thrives on the work hard, play  hard concept and I fit well into this environment.

Until now.  While I still fit and the sky is the limit for me, my heart is no longer in it.  I just had my third child and with this has brought a new set of challenges.  Since my last post I have been toying with the idea of leaving my job and reinventing myself.  I went to San Diego last week for our Annual Sales Meeting and was honored with the VP award, for the third year in a row.  While this is a great award and highly recognized throughout the corporation, I just feel as though the more I work, the more awards I get, the more I am away from the people that really need me and that is my family. 

So, this last week I turned in my letter of resignation.  March 12, 2010 will be my last day of employement.  Some people have called me crazy for throwing such a promising career in the garbage.  They may be right.  I hope that I am doing the right thing.  All I know is that as sad as it may be, it feels right to me.  I have been working my ass off since I was 17 years old.  And I don't plan to stop that now.  In fact, I think I will be working harder than ever staying home with my kids and supporting my husband with his growing business.

So my journey is changing but my focus remains strong.  Get back into shape, have more relations with my husband, save money(or not since I no longer will have money to save), be the best mom that I can be and do what I can to be the best me possible.   

Thursday, January 28, 2010

DAY 27 - Looking for a comeback

Seventeen long days have come and gone since I last posted.  I have only managed to exercise one time in the last two weeks, I have not done the deed with my husband in a week, and I have been working what seems like 24 hours days.

I feel on the verge of doing something reckless. What started off as a good year, is proving to be one of the most challenging years yet.  Each day I hate my job more and more.  I feel like my workload just keeps increasing while the pay stays the same.  People say that I should be lucky to have a job in this economy, but I say screw that.  It's eating away at my sanity and I feel like it is time for me to move on.  I am having an internal battle with myself.  One side encourages me to stick it out just one more year, the other side says, "QUIT NOW - BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!".  I see no light at the end of the tunnel and no possible way to make the deadlines that have been set forth. Every single day for the last week I have lost control of my emotions and let the floodgates open and the tears just pour down my face.

When I was in high school, I had an unmanageable life.  I had no direction, could care less about responsibilities, never followed through with anything and avoided doing any kind of work - EVER.  I was not a good daughter, not a good friend and was pretty worthless all the way around.  Today, I have established myself as a determined, motivated and highly dedicated individual.  I work hard everyday to prove my worth and to be a good person in as many ways as humanly achievable.  I hate to fail.  I hate to give up.  I love challenges and I always pile too much on my plate.  Today I feel like I did when I was 16 years old.  I want to walk out of the door, throw my middle finger in the air and not look back nor care how my senseless actions will effect others.  How did I get here?  In 17 short days, I have hit some kind of low for me and my sense of direction is gone.

My mom tells me to keep my sense of humor and that if I can just hold on to that then I can make it through this.  She also tells me if I make it through this, I will be much stronger a person.  So let's talk about the funny, or "not so funny" aspects of it all. 

The sewer line for our house is broken.  What this means for me and my family is that the water we need to use has no where to go and therefore backs sewage into our home if we do. Things such as going to the bathroom, taking a shower, running the dishwasher, and running a load of laundry are all out of the question.  We have gotten to be VERY  creative and I am afraid to know what we smell like to others.

My son pooped on the floor of his room the other day and it took me hours to figure out where the stench was coming from.  I think he tried to clean it up and in the process, he smeared it all over the place.

Yep - so life is just a bowl full of cherries right now.  Hopefully the next time I right, things are better. 

Sunday, January 10, 2010


I really fell off the wagon and failed to write for three entire days!  Let's just say that the last 3 days have been CRAZY.  My oldest is officially a teenager now.  This makes my heart ache with sadness.  The time has flown by so quickly.  I have already missed so much in her life, it's as if I laid my little angel in bed one night and woke up the next morning to find a young little woman that used to be my baby.  Time is flying by so quickly, I worry that the same will happen with the other kids.  I really wish that I could stay home with the kids while they are young and be able to experience their growth more intimately.

This brings me to today.  In a few short hours, I have to get on an airplane and head across the country for work.  This will be my first trip away since I had the baby.  I wish that I could get out of it this time.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


I got an entire 2.5 hours of sleep last night, because the baby simply refused sleep.  This infringed on my exercise that I was supposed to do at 6am because I slept until 6:30.  It also kept me from doing the deed, because I am to tired tonight and up with the baby last night.  I did manage to have a better attitude at work today and knocked a couple items off my list in that regard.  Tomorrow is my daughter's 13th birthday and I wrapped her presents tonight, but forgot to get a card.  Need to make sure to get a card tomorrow.  Oh - and I argued with my husband in front of the kids.  And when I say argue, I mean, I freaked out and heard a few cuss words fly out of my mouth.  Not even a week into this thing and I am already failing.  When I get it right it one area, it goes so wrong in the other. 

Tomorrow is another day.  I will just try harder.  Good Night.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Today I am reeling from the see-saw effect.  While my home life has dramatically improved over the last five days, my work life is leaving much to be desired.  Prior to this new year, my husband and I argued on average once a day.  In the last five days, we have not argued once.  That's good news, right?  Yes, except now all my frustrations are being taken out at work and unfortunately on my boss.  What's worse is that I didn't even realize what a witch I was being until co-workers ever-so-graciously pointed my bad attitude.  Now what? These goals of perfection are already waring on me.

So tonight as I go to sleep I will mentally prepare myself for tomorrow.  I will adjust my way of thinking.  I will visualize myself walking through the office with a smile on my face and a spring in my step. If I am feeling the pressure, then there's no doubt that others are too. I need to put my best foot forward tomorrow and demonstrate to myself and others that this too shall pass and we can accomplish the un-accomplishable.

I worked out today.  Didn't fight with my hubby and plan to do the deed.  I make my update tomorrow.  Oh- and check out my new goal trackers.  Pretty awesome - huh?!?!

Monday, January 4, 2010


I committed to one post every day so here it is.  I didn't work out today.  I did do the deed.  I didn't argue with my hubby.  I did work extra late and let my job consume me.  I almost bounced a check before I called my husband and borrowed money from him.  Yes, we have separate bank accounts, savings accounts and credit cards.  For the record, his savings accounts are always increasing, he never carries a credit card balance, and always has money in the bank.  I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite.  I work my ass off and have nothing to show for it besides a fancy title, a ton of responsibilities, and a nice wardrobe.  signing off.